The season finale of True Blood was this past Sunday, and if you are similar to me (not in looks obviously that would be such a feat) you were highly disappointed. I spoke about True Blood here because of the pure entertainment value it beseeches. Because it doesn't try to be something it is not. Instead it takes the cake for all that is campy, sexy, dirty, and hilariously frightening. So then why Alan Ball, did you decide to completely dilute the final episode of Season three with absolute garbage?
Albeit, the plot lines of this season were somewhat weak, namely anything Jason was involved in: hatred for football heroes on V, love triangles with were-panthers and inbred family members, and the ultimate vie for Bon Temps sheriff glory, all while discrediting that he killed Eggs last season and was distraught about it for a combined..oh three episodes.
Or what about Sam Merlotte's unspeakably lame storyline about his real family? Did anyone really care that his mother was a poor broken shapeshifter, forced to live off pennies she made from her dog fighting days THEN bringing the tradition down to the younger son Tommy? I sure didn't. Were you as demystified by Jolie's alcoholic ways and abusively uninteresting villainous character as I was? You should be. I also didn't care for Tommy whatsoever. Initially I thought there was some spunk to him, but really he ended up just being a little bastard while simultaneously bringing out the same lame little bastard that was stewing in Sam all this time. No! Not a flashback to Sam as a bad guy? So he killed what looked like to me as a huge bitch. He also killed Marian, bigger bitch indeed. I guess the good thing about Tommy was that he brought Jessica and Hoyt back together. That storyline could be saved with Hoyt getting turned and then killing his mother. But whatever to that too, because if that girl drops her accent one more time, I'm gonna go on a tweet rampage. Watch out Babyvamp.
And what the hell was with Lafayette and Jesus? First off, Jesus is ugly. Second off, while I appreciate that Lafayette is still alive by the end of the third season (Spoiler Alert: he dies in the first book), I can be almost 100% sure that his character can be utilized in a much more productive way than some love story with a Brujo (that's spanish for witch, yes Jesus is "surprisingly" and "uncreatively" a witch).
So the most interesting parts of the season? Russell, OBVIOUSLY! His desire to get all up in Sookie's blood made me uneasy, his rant on live television was also grand. But that was it. He posed a threat and then the threat was fumigated. With cement, oh so non climatically. His revenge for the death of Talbot could have been better, although that scene was perfection. Because you were either worried that gay sex was going to happen right in front of your sheltered little eyes, OR that little twinky was gonna get it. And he got it, but with a Stake, not Eric's stake, which is probably FABULOUS.
Sookie is a fairy. Hooray. At least Ball can have some fun at his own expense, when Sookie learns of her true identity she says "I'm a fairy? That's fucking lame" Which it is, but is somewhat interesting for the next season, seeing as how she straight up disappeared into fairyland, leaving Bill behind, heartbroken and abandoned. Whatever his intentions have officially been revealed as impure and potentially evil. So he can't be trusted, at least until next season.
Oh and Tara decided to cut off her extensions, get a side part afro going, and bounce outta Bon Temps, considering that her entire sense of misery and depression revolves around the consistency of shitty luck at Merlotte's (thanks for that montage Alan, I totally forgot about the dead voodoo scam artist. They did however fail to mention Jason fucking some tart while on V and Tara catching it while still dreadfully in love with him; much more traumatizing than watching a rapist psycho vampire turn into blood and guts)
All and all the season could have been better and the season finale should have never aired. Lorena didn't last long enough, and Russell and Eric should have had a bigger fallout. The werewolves storyline completely died out, and they either finished things off to early or let really shitty storylines run their course as opposed to killing them off sooner. I am still a Truebie, but will put the last episode down officially, as the worst season finale...maybe episode...I have ever seen.
Thank you for reading. I am, the TV Enforcer.
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