BACK IN THE GAME

Oh my goodness. It's been quite awhile! For some strange reason, I've increased my tv watching over the past three years, but not my affinity for blabbing about it.

Today that changes.

In order to overwhelm you all with some magic (white and black) that has engulfed our tv screens, I bring you the three year itch...in a few words as possible:

Jersey Shore 
It is FINALLY over, but not without some seriously fake debauchery, meatball pregnancy, plastic surgery, 'rehab,' and God Awful (but somehow I watched) spin-offs. Lest we not forget that is inspired 'Wicked Single.' 

Boardwalk Empire 
Season three was slow to start as usual, but Bobby Cannavale was a tour de force (I believe both the Golden Globes AND Emmy's snubbed him) and the wonderful Richard Harrow truly made his mark.


Breaking Bad 
TV will die just a little bit when this show comes to an end. You're just going to nod your head and ignore me as I say with full conviction that this show is absolutely one of the best, if not the best, the industry has ever seen. The [foreshadowed] epic end to Walter White will leave everyone breathless- that is-if he doesn't come out on top. Which, by the pattern of things, is totally possible. 


Dexter 
A true fall from grace. And another reason why Showtime will always be second rate to HBO. They cannot sustain themselves for more than four seasons on ANYTHING...and they don't know when to stop (i.e. 'Weeds'). Not sure when Dexter jumped the shark, whether it was when Rita kicked it, or when Deb killed LaGuerta. Either way, one more season to go, and I'm not interested.


Girls 
Say what you will about Lena Dunham. Sure she might look like a chicken cutlet, but she is a visionary, she is an icon for the modern day woman, and she is funny as all hell. Comedy doesn't look like this much anymore, neither does drama, and characters this flawed and overly privileged need a place to call home. Oh and it just so happens to be HBO.

America's Best Dance Crew
Of course I'm putting this here! I mourn its end, as well as Mario Lopez's closet of jackets. If you could take anything away from this show, it is that there are seriously talented people out there, using hip hop to impress the hell out of me.


The Voice 
A wonderful & refreshing journey away from Idol with the fantastically funny Blake Shelton, salaciously self-centered Christina Aguilera, wildly weird Cee-Lo Green, and mildly moody Adam Levine (so far the most fun I've had writing this). A fantastic way to blow up my twitter feed.

New Girl 
What Friends never could and never will be (blame the laugh track). My pure blooded hatred for all things Zooey Deschanel (YES IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE) faded as soon as she stepped into that ladyless loft with Winston, Nick, and Schmidt. Oh Schmidt. Some delightful comedic writing resonates from that show. The Nick/Jess drama worried me at first, but I think we just have to wait and see.

Game of Thrones 
Another reason why HBO wins every time. An epic piece of work that sucks you in immediately. George RR Martin's fantasy book series breathes fire as it is realized through the lens of David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. And thanks to HBO, we now know how to pronounce their names. Season three will be no joke.

Mad Men 
Another one coming to an end, the grand, cosmopolitan journey of Don Draper et. al has left us craving more in some way. We lost Lane as well as Don's monogymistic disposition, and Betty is fat (Karma). There is so much to see, and so much to do in these final season.

The Office 
Is it over yet?

Veep 
Clever, quick, and somewhat disconcerting, Julia Louis Dreyfuss sparkles as our Vice President on Capitol Hill and My Girl's Anna Chlumsky has returned. Arrested Development's Tony Hale doesn't hurt either.

The Killing
A great first season, a disappointing season finale, an annoying second season, an awful season finale, a cancellation, a rejoice, a cancellation of a cancellation, a retreat. Enough Said.

The Walking Dead 
Season three continues to prove that a show about Zombies has staying power, and that AMC can be a force to be reckoned with (Save freakshow..shiver). Rick went crazy for a little while, no big deal, and walkers became the second feared monsters. Some folks aren't feeling David Morrissey's Governor, but his climb to the edge of insanity I'm sure proved some folks wrong this week. And Michonne. That's it.


I'm sure there is more that I've watched over the past few years, but these are some highs and lows from TV Land. Hope you enjoyed it! Will see you soon!


*Photos courtesy of IMDB.com

Jersey gets a facial

What? Did you all really think that I wasn't going to talk about this show? Don't you know me better than that? It's fall, which means the influx of good television will soon be running rampant amongst those of us lucky enough to subscribe to the likes of HBO, Showtime, NFLRedzone...etc. So let me start by saying this: Thank God for Martin Scorcese and Terence Winter.

Back in say February or so, a trailer was available on HBO's website that exclaimed the dawning of a Scorcese produced show, written by a Sopranos guy, and oozing with 1920s flare all over the place. Pan up on Steve Buscemi, the king of Indie Films, high falootin in a great suit, and Omar from The Wire fading to black. Excitement rang around offices, twitter pages, and text messages for months. And this past Sunday, it finally came to a head.

And boy am I excited.

The show takes place right at the beginnings of Prohibition, which also births the era of "Gangsterdom." Steve Buscemi takes on the role of Nucky Thompson, Atlantic City Treasurer and dirty scoundrel to boot. After reading an article in Vanity Fair that James Gandolfini was considered due to his more accurate stature in comparison to the Real Nucky Johnson, what a blessed day it is to know that they went with Buscemi (no hating on Tony Soprano though, but in reality...he IS Tony Soprano.)

There is this lingering feeling in the show even in it's infant stages. Watching two young drivers talk about "getting into the liquor business" while one introduces himself as Al Capone, is subtle yet furiously exciting. The violence is indicative of Soprano gold, which may be tough for some, but relieving for others. Scorcese certainly delivers with some stylistic directing and shooting, but fails with the show's opening sequence. --And I will defend the right to use contemporary music in period pieces (I.E. Inglorious Basterds) but here it fails.-- Watching the opening sequence for the first time at the height of your anticipation can turn it into anxiety, but the show redeems itself solely through the writing, directing, and sheer excitement (aka just suck it up for the first like minute and then be prepared for an awesome ride).

It certainly looks like many characters will be making their way through Jersey, with the likes of (as previously mentioned) Al Capone, Lucky Luciano, and others. But what makes the show extra special is Buscemi's character Nucky and his desire to play both sides. His job makes him want to be liked by his city, but his gangster ways make him desire money and power with no filter as to how to get it. He is a character that struggles with good and evil, which makes him, well, perfect.

If you paid attention in History class, then the anticipation of watching these stories unfold will elate you. It certainly has elated me, and I damn sure didn't pay attention in history class. But I know who Al Capone is. Thanks Real Deal Deli.

Thanks for reading. I am, the TV Enforcer.

True Disappointment...not True Blood

The season finale of True Blood was this past Sunday, and if you are similar to me (not in looks obviously that would be such a feat) you were highly disappointed. I spoke about True Blood here because of the pure entertainment value it beseeches. Because it doesn't try to be something it is not. Instead it takes the cake for all that is campy, sexy, dirty, and hilariously frightening. So then why Alan Ball, did you decide to completely dilute the final episode of Season three with absolute garbage?

Albeit, the plot lines of this season were somewhat weak, namely anything Jason was involved in: hatred for football heroes on V, love triangles with were-panthers and inbred family members, and the ultimate vie for Bon Temps sheriff glory, all while discrediting that he killed Eggs last season and was distraught about it for a combined..oh three episodes.

Or what about Sam Merlotte's unspeakably lame storyline about his real family? Did anyone really care that his mother was a poor broken shapeshifter, forced to live off pennies she made from her dog fighting days THEN bringing the tradition down to the younger son Tommy? I sure didn't. Were you as demystified by Jolie's alcoholic ways and abusively uninteresting villainous character as I was? You should be. I also didn't care for Tommy whatsoever. Initially I thought there was some spunk to him, but really he ended up just being a little bastard while simultaneously bringing out the same lame little bastard that was stewing in Sam all this time. No! Not a flashback to Sam as a bad guy? So he killed what looked like to me as a huge bitch. He also killed Marian, bigger bitch indeed. I guess the good thing about Tommy was that he brought Jessica and Hoyt back together. That storyline could be saved with Hoyt getting turned and then killing his mother. But whatever to that too, because if that girl drops her accent one more time, I'm gonna go on a tweet rampage. Watch out Babyvamp.

And what the hell was with Lafayette and Jesus? First off, Jesus is ugly. Second off, while I appreciate that Lafayette is still alive by the end of the third season (Spoiler Alert: he dies in the first book), I can be almost 100% sure that his character can be utilized in a much more productive way than some love story with a Brujo (that's spanish for witch, yes Jesus is "surprisingly" and "uncreatively" a witch).

So the most interesting parts of the season? Russell, OBVIOUSLY! His desire to get all up in Sookie's blood made me uneasy, his rant on live television was also grand. But that was it. He posed a threat and then the threat was fumigated. With cement, oh so non climatically. His revenge for the death of Talbot could have been better, although that scene was perfection. Because you were either worried that gay sex was going to happen right in front of your sheltered little eyes, OR that little twinky was gonna get it. And he got it, but with a Stake, not Eric's stake, which is probably FABULOUS.

Sookie is a fairy. Hooray. At least Ball can have some fun at his own expense, when Sookie learns of her true identity she says "I'm a fairy? That's fucking lame" Which it is, but is somewhat interesting for the next season, seeing as how she straight up disappeared into fairyland, leaving Bill behind, heartbroken and abandoned. Whatever his intentions have officially been revealed as impure and potentially evil. So he can't be trusted, at least until next season.

Oh and Tara decided to cut off her extensions, get a side part afro going, and bounce outta Bon Temps, considering that her entire sense of misery and depression revolves around the consistency of shitty luck at Merlotte's (thanks for that montage Alan, I totally forgot about the dead voodoo scam artist. They did however fail to mention Jason fucking some tart while on V and Tara catching it while still dreadfully in love with him; much more traumatizing than watching a rapist psycho vampire turn into blood and guts)

All and all the season could have been better and the season finale should have never aired. Lorena didn't last long enough, and Russell and Eric should have had a bigger fallout. The werewolves storyline completely died out, and they either finished things off to early or let really shitty storylines run their course as opposed to killing them off sooner. I am still a Truebie, but will put the last episode down officially, as the worst season finale...maybe episode...I have ever seen.

Thank you for reading. I am, the TV Enforcer.

Emmy's Red Carpet Rundown

Last night was the Emmy's! And I unfortunately did not watch much of it, Mad Men, Big Brother, True Blood....if the SHOWS are ON why would I watch clips of them? Congrats to Mad Men by the way but let's get serious. The outfits...a sight to see..and I shall indulge you of what I thought this year:

Lea Michele! Gorgeous Oscar De LaRenta Navy Gown! It was sexy, sophisticated, and whimsical all at the same time

Jane Lynch: Hated the colors hated the shape. Top was good. Bottom was a trash bag.

Edie Falco: Not flattering at all. If the dress was just a little more shapely,she would have looked DIVINE.

January Jones: OK. Some people thought that she was really stepping it up here, being edgy with this dress....no. I'm sorry, I just didn't see it, I couldn't find the "fashion forwardness" of this dress, anywhere. Perhaps it was the material, but I thought it made her look like a peacock drenched in blueberries.

Claire Danes: APPROVE!! Her slim figure screamed out in this dress and the glamour was just off the charts..my favorite dress of the night.

Kim Kardashian: Oh you greek goddess you! I don't think Kim K even KNOWS how to not dress well, so looking this good obviously wasn't too hard for her.

Eva Longoria Parker: Amazing! The rosettes are so chic, the silohuette just hugs her so perfectly, I love everything about this dress.

Tina Fey: Girl, you let me down. I'm not a fan of this it reminds me of sheer black and white underneath circa 1999.

Kate Gosselin: OK, a. where the hell are your children?!?! b. Somebody get me some smelling salts, I just passed out from Boredom.

Rutina Wesley: Yo tara!!! did you just wrap an Escher painting around you? It's weird to see True Blood's sassiest bartender off the braids and on the red carpet. The slit's too high, the hair's too big.

Sarah Hyland from Modern Family: I have watched this show only once (enjoyed it thoroughly) but that shouldn't change the fact that Sarah wore this dress to perfection! great job!

Angela Kinsey: Who'da thought that Angela from the Office could pull off some serious glamour!!! Amazing dress, loved the lace.

Stephanie Pratt: I don't know (really don't care) who you are, but what I do know is, you're at the Emmy's, therefore, you look like a whore. Someone get her PA and find the rest of that dress!

Christina Hendricks: I'm unsure about this Zac Posen dress, although I think the top is absolutely gorgeous! The bottom however, once those [feathers??] reach the bottom, it starts to look a little mangy. But her hair and those tatas were her saving grace.

Heidi Klum: Now THIS is a woman who can pull off an edgy mini. This Marchesa piece is FIERCE, but those shoes look like shards of glass!

Anna Paquin: I hate to say this because speaking so ill of the deceased can come back to haunt you, but this Alexander McQueen is god awful and I would suck the life out of Ms. Sookie Stackhouse TOO if she ever came round here wearin that mess.

Emily Blunt: Yawn, it washes her out, this color should be left for women of a dark tint perhaps. The jewels on the dress however are stunning.

Juliana Margulies: This "Good Wife" was having a "Bad Day" in the dress category.Bizarre. Just didn't like it.

Kelly Osbourne: She surprised me here! I thought the dress was fun and sexy and she wore it well! She also looks great and that hair is such an accomplishment from her pink hair'd chubby days.

Diana Agron: Probably one of the prettiest girls on TV she fails here with this Scarlett O'Hara like Carolina Herrera. It reminds me of corsets and there's just too much lace and crap going on, it's like she's trapped in a cage!

Elizabeth Moss: You GO Peggy!!! While having an AWESOME episode last night, along with a win for the show, she looked STUNNING in this one shoulder piece

Sophia Vergara: Her figure is really what made this dress. Otherwise, I think the jeweling and embellishments are off and so is the color. Good thing she's just so damn gorgeous.

Jayma Matys: She's adorably sprite in this navy Burberry gown! I love the ruching I love the fringe (for lack of a better term) and I love her hair and jewelry! What a transformation!

Kathy Griffin: I don't know WHAT was going on down at the bottom of her dress but I MUST say that she ROCKED it!

Lauren Graham: Mistake. Utter. Mistake.

Toni Collette: No NO NO! The bottom looks like she fell into a marsh.

Cheryl Hines: My favorite wife looked absolutely fabulous in this one shouldered piece.

Julia Louise Dreyfuss: Show's been cancelled, and apparently so has the middle of her dress. The sheer ruined it for me, gotta say.

Jenna Fischer: I loved this dress! It was so sexy on her, what a great color, and the geometric embellishments really made it a fun and elegant dress at the same time.

Jennifer Carpenter: I think Dexter got to this dress because it belongs in a body bag.

Mindy Kaling: She's a comedy writer...so I hope this too was a joke she wrote.

Jewel: Nice to see you back! And not selling out! Great dress, great look.

Padma Lakshmi: Congrats on your win but a shame on your dress! The neck is awful, that's all I can say.

and Last but not Least:

Betty WHITE: You go girl in that sexy ass two piece with the color fading! As long as she can still attend these things, I feel obligated to award her best dressed for the evening. ESPECIALLY if she dressed herself.

There were just SO many beautiful people out in LA tonight! I couldn't get through them all but at least the good outweighed the bad AND the ugly!

AMC is at it Again

I was lucky enough to catch a trailer for the new AMC Series, "The Walking Dead" this week. Besides Restaurant Week, AND Brendon coming off the block on Big Brother, this truly made my week. The show is based off a graphic novel of the same name and follows a young police officer who is shot and wakes up alone in a hospital after a large viral epidemic sweeps the world. This scene in the trailer made me initially hesitant because it rang so similar to one of the first scenes in "28 Days Later." But once the trailer really started to explain more about this character and this show, I could tell that it was in no way copying but paying homage to "28 Days Later" and any other zombie movie out there. Which is amazing. Why?

Because I

Love

Zombies.

Now generally I tend to enjoy zombies of the more frantic persuasion. I enjoy when they're just always hungry and always running and always spewing blood at the mouth. Frantic zombies call for frantic action. But there's no way you could have that "breed" of zombie continually throughout a series, that would be like Lost on crack, one season crammed into one episode. Too much brain nausea can cause people to lose interest in order to keep their heart rates at healthy numbers. So instead these zombies are slow moving, the kind from an old George Romero film, and look just as gross. As said in the trailer, "One of them is easy to bring down, but in a large group and their hungry?" I believe it starts to trail off there for dramatic tension which leads the viewer to believe that it won't end well if (well let's be honest, when) they're hungry.

The show also has a western feel to it with the southern twangs and the horse riding. That makes it seem more dangerous, like a southern boy eyein you down in a bar tippin off his hat. Yeah I didn't put any g's in, gotta get the feeeel.

It comes out on Halloween night, which just so happens to be on a Sunday, therefore giving many people (young people to say the least) the permission to stay in and watch. So my favorite holiday, my favorite type of menacing killing machines, and on my favorite channel! Considering Breaking Bad and Mad Men grace the pages of AMC's book of classic television, I am sure to be superbly satisfied and scared all at the same time. Bring it on zombies!!!

Thank you for reading. I am, the TV enforcer.

Big Brother Update: The NeanderTALL wins it all.

Brendon, who I believe is SO DAMN SEXY, is no longer my lustful eye candy. Even with Firecrotch gone, the Neanderthal's got baggage, and a bad poker face. But he still won HOH, which considering he's got the whole house against him, is pretty bad ass. I just wish he would stop yelling out to the ghost of Rachel, as if she could hear him from Sequester.

When we left the housemates on Thursday, I had no idea that Brendon could pull through. He seemed like he was going to wear himself quickly and I thought he would have no chance against the calmer Lane, or even Britney. But his determination shone like blood diamond and pulled it out leaving everyone in the dust, or mud in this case.

My favorite part of the whole show most certainly was watching Matt cringe with embarrassment as he watched Enzo battle places with KATHY. I absolutely love Enzo, and could possibly see him winning the whole thing. He is a complete floater, but in a way, does this purposely. By exerting force in the Brigade and allowing Matt to hold the leader title, he can make decisions that will effect him positively in the game without getting a lick of blood on his hands. He's also completely loyal, staying weary of relationships outside of the Brigade in fear it will make him vulnerable.

Lane and Ragan being on the block is a surprise. But in a way, I see where Brendon is coming from. When floaters, like last year's Jordan, win Big Brother, I am very upset. This is a competition and people shouldn't be deserving of a reward when all they do is sit in the shadows. Lane does just that with the Brigade, and doesn't ever make a stir in the house. Ragan does the same as well, his compassion being too much a of flaw in a game like this. It will be exciting tonight to see where things go with the POV competition AND it will be exciting to see if Matt uses his diamond veto.

Thank you for reading. I am, the TV Enforcer.

Big Brother Update: See Ya Later Firecrotch

Amazingly, ironically, and obviously, all my thoughts about Big Brother have been wrong. Except for Kristen's demise. But now we see yet ANOTHER (and probably the fiercest) female sent packing by the house of Big Brother. Rachel, aka Firecrotch, got a big bitch slap in the face called Karma and was evicted from the house last night, even in the wake of Brendon's lashing out (badly and awkwardly may I add) at the other house mates. Her crazy firecrotch behavior was too intimidating and obnoxious to keep her in the house. And Brendon's bad attitude seemed too systematic and antisocial. Even when Rachel attempted to be on her "best behavior" nothing could keep the house from making a unanimous vote to get her out.

But really, in my mind, all annoyingness and hair extensions aside, Rachel was a great player. There were just times she couldn't back it up. But with two HOH's and a lap dog boyfriend who won two POV's, it seemed as though she was on a roll. She never made REALLY horrible decisions, except for putting up Monet and Britney. Getting Monet out was totally fine, she sucked and I didn't really care, but putting up Britney was all Matt and Rachel just didn't make the alliance with Britney she should have.

I also am in pure shock, that no one.....and I mean NO ONE....still.has.any.

FUCKING IDEA

About the Brigade.

How is this possible??!? How is it possible that four men are reigning terror down upon the women (and King Kosher) of Big Brother and no one has noticed ANYTHING?!!?! When I looked at the Tweets people were suggesting to Ragan, the Saboteur, a consistent suggestion was to EXPOSE THE BRIGADE. Now if the Producers of Big Brother think that this would "ruin" the season because Ragan would be getting outside information, let's NOT forget that he IS the saboteur. Let's also not forget the airplane that pretty much ruined Eric's chances of surviving in the house as America's player in Season 8. Outside interference creates for drama and interesting plot developments, which now with Rachel gone, the house needs.

If the floaters (Ragan, Kathy, Britney-because she has no real alliances, and now Brendon) want to survive this game, they have to dismantle the Brigade. And their stupidity and naiveté as a whole certainly will not grant them any insight to Matt, Lane, Hayden, and Enzo's secret dealings. The only way that this can be done to truly save the season and create controversy, is if The Saboteur EXPOSES THEM according to the DESIRES OF AMERICA. If anything he'll get voted out but hopefully not next week when he wins 20,000. That seems like the only viable option to get them out, that and none of them winning HOH, which thankfully, won't be Matt OR Firecrotch AGAIN.

It seems like it's a speed and agility match though. Kathy definitely won't win(Although I am SO proud of Kathy standing up to Count Firecrotch, so refreshing to see, too bad she's still a floater). Ragan seemed enthusiastic, but a bit confused. Britney seems like she was going to get pretty winded about halfway through. Big lugs like Lane, Brendon, and Hayden could either be at a large advantage or a huge disadvantage. Brendon was flopping around like a fish on land, most likely he tired himself out and brought about his own demise. I didn't want to ruin my weekend, so I resisted checking the live feed.

My prediction will be that Hayden wins HOH puts Brendon and Kathy up on the Block and that Brendon will go home. If Brendon DOES win HOH, considering how COMPLETELY oblivious he is to the Brigade he'll probably put up Kathy and Britney. Time will tell, but hopefully the Brigade WILL FALL.

Thanks for reading. I am, the TV Enforcer.